it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
