We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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