I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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