i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
