I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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