You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
