I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
