I love black thongs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
