SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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