I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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