She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
