I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
