We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
