the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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