haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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