I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
