How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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