There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
