maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
