there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
