he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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