I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
