I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
