Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
