Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
