dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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