Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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