I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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