Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
