it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
last night I used snow as a chaser
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
