Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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