She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
