driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
