So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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