I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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