I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
