Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
