Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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