An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
