Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
