omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
