i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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