if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
