Apparently you make a good broom.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
