drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
