I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize