Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
