Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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