I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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