I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
