how can u be prego again
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
