I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
