My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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