hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
