come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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