I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize