her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
