Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
