I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What drink are we having for lunch?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
