true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
