I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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