i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
