I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
