i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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