i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I could make wine with my vomit
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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