I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
