so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
