D3 body, D1 cock
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Text me some of your sweat
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
