dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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