She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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