the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
