Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize