We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
